Of lungis, mustaches, coconut trees and more

So am back from my li'l Kerala vacation and it feels good to be home. Obviously, I am not the traveling-type at all and all you need to do to make me happy is give me a bed and my laptop.

Some highlights:

* One good outcome from the trip is that now my score is 3/3. I have gotten badly tanned.. and I was always Tall and Handsome. *evil smirk*

* In Kerala, there are coconut trees all around you - in fact, the food also reflects the abundance of coconuts in the region. However, what startled me was that in spite of coconuts falling off trees at every second step, nariyal paani was more expensive that Calcutta. I mean, seriously! Calcutta rocks!

* 90% of the men had thick mustaches (remember that old adage - Mooch nahi to kuchh nahi!). I think those who didn't must face some kind of social stigma. Actually, I am dead sure. Like made to do household chores and a being top-notch concern for parents (iski shaadi kaise hogi!)

* We were blessed with a driver who understood neither Hindi nor English. This is after specifically putting in a request for a Hindi-speaking driver with the Travel Operator. But we went along as the guy seemed genuinely nice and decent. As it turned out, it wasn't the best of things to do. He wouldn't understand a word of what I said. He would understand perfectly what my uncle said though (in his broken English mixed with Hindi and Marwari words). We would all look at them in awe as they conversed with each other. I think, in the process, we got a glimpse of how mankind first started using verbal language.

* Another thing that would amaze you from the word go is how lungis are the common man's attire. And these are not the North-Indian ones that are stitched at ends. These split right in the front ensuring maximum exposure of dark legs when the men walk. For the newbies, learn the difference here.

* As should happen with most interesting trips, our car met with an accident on the way to Kanyakumari. Though it was clearly the other car's fault, we were surrounded by a dozen localites - most of them vengeful and drunk. Luckily they didn't jump on us and started fighting only with the driver in the local dialect. When matters reached a head, they all raised their lungis above their knees (some sort of primeval stunt to threaten the opponent I guess). Though they ultimately settled that it was no one's fault, one of the locals who could speak Hindi had come to us, introduced himself as an ex-naval officer and after making few basic inquiries, prompted "I think you should resolve the issue... you have women and kids with you and this would go on for whole night".. when we refused to intervene between the driver and the localites (it was none of our business!), he suddenly started threatening that Keralites hate Bongs and that they would break the car and throw the luggage off. Obviously, looking at our stern faces, he didn't try any stunt. We guessed they were only trying to make some quick money. Phew!

So, now I am expert at planning for vacations. Rest, all izz well.

This time for Calcutta

A shy bride,
a forgotten princess,
a fairy with its ethereal charm,

With hint of glory, old,
A city will regain life,
Faces mirthful, hearts warm,



Streets will light up,
And stars'll shine the brightest,
With people, alleys aswarm,

For the Goddess is here,
And joy is here,
Blessed will be homes, blessed will be farms.

And then came Chammak Challo

If you guys remember, I wasn't very happy with Bollywood. I mean, it was going down the alley of no return, just like Manisha Koirala's career. But, of late, I have noticed that Bollywood is trying. Maybe a little too hard. But I am willing to ignore the occasional Phhir and Yeh Dooriyan... and concentrate on the Bodyguards and the Chammak Challos instead.

So, yeah Bodyguard. I was looking forward to the movie (no surprises there). The songs were just super-duper amazing. And the movie was watchable (ok, ok.. I am adding disclaimers, wait on). After the bad initial reviews, I had to literally drag Sonia and my friends to the movie. And then we chose to watch the movie in a multiplex! You can imagine the sheepish grins I was giving throughout. I mean what kind of people wouldn't burst into ceetis and mad applause when the hero jumps out of a moving train onto the roof of another train running in the opposite direction, or when jets of water tear his shirt away to reveal ripped muscles? Bloody snooty tight-asses I tell you! Anyway, I enjoyed the movie. For an earnest Salman. And for a brilliant Kareena. The world can go and get their pants in a twist for all I care.

And now this song which has been on my mind for the last few days. It doesn't really matter that Shahrukh Khan is looking like a retard in the song... maybe they will justify the effects of botox-overdose by some element in the plot which requires him to look thus. I like the song, nevertheless. The beats are amazing - Akon has done a good job. And so has the choreographer.. the moves are funny and they give me another reason to laugh at SRK.

Finally, what's with all the girls and women in my house getting all excited about Mausam? I mean there was so much heartache when the movie's release got postponed. I am sure the movie will be terrible. But can someone decipher for me what the hullabaloo is all about?

Who would you rather be?

The poet, who paints on the canvas of thought,
And hums a forgotten tune as rhymes are wrought?
Beautiful is how the world seems to him,
But not him if surrealism is what you seek not.


The actor, who dons a new skin everyday,
and emotes without effort, as myriad layers peel away?
But to none does he reveal what hides in his heart,
So not him if for you, secrets are not part of the play.


The saint, who chooses that which is pure and austere,
With his heart all empty and mind unnaturally clear?
His desires ended even before the time could begin,
Never him if you think you could care for someone's tear.

The clown, and his dance, and his jokes, and his smile,
Who makes your day, with his simple style?
He is in everyone, and yet, none want this fate,
So why not him, if you haven't made anyone laugh in a while?

As another Birthday goes by...

Tales that Reflection Tells

Smug and taut,

His face glowed with triumph.

Sly was his smile,

and confident his trot.

I am the winner,

He looked at himself.

But was it Him that he saw

Or an image pale, unclear.

'Lies', she hissed in his ears,

The smirk faded.

'All of them', she clawed at his heart,

stoking unknown fears.

Then she dissolved, in disdain

And merged with Him.

But now he wouldn't look

Into the mirror, ever again.

How Muggles don't get it

Too many pathetic SMS jokes, and random Facebook posts on the movies (and by corollary, the books) make me angry. And what makes me angrier is the air of casualness with which the books and the movies are written-off as 'meant for kids' and the complete apathy of ignoring how these have captured the imagination and love of millions of people (not merely children) around the world.

People like me have grown up with Harry Potter. And have lived his terribly amazing life vicariously through these books.

Ms. Rowling, through a rich concoction of thrill and mystery, had taken us into this make-believe world of magic and wizardry like no one else had ever done before. You weren't expected to go to Middle Earth or a different realm. The books made you believe that magic could be hidden right in your cupboard.

And I love the books more than the movies. Not only because of the richness of the plot that doesn't get captured in the movies, but also because I am free to let my imagination run wild. It isn't only about reading the story of our hero defeating the evil villain. It's about being with him (or 'being him'?) in the process of his discovery of the world around him, and his discovery of his own self. It's about learning, glory, failures and bonds.

It is for the kids, all right. The kid in you. Who loves to create and imagine. And laugh and cry.

So, the Muggles out there, this post is not about making you love Harry Potter. It's only to tell you, you may not get it because it is frigging beyond you. So stop acting like sore loser, will you?

Life's Most Important Resolution No. 199

You know these moments when you do something outrageously stupid and then get these guilt / shame - pangs for the rest of your life? Yes, the ones whose memory itself makes you cringe.

And these moments come in various flavours. You didn't get-up from your seat in the crowded bus and offer it to the old man who was barely able to stand just a few feet away from you. You bitched unecessarily about your best friend to someone who didn't really matter. You messed up that most important client presentation of your life. You got drunk and said amazingly stupid things to people around you. Funnily, the last bit keeps happening over and over again to me.

And that brings me to my new resolve. I am not drinking ever again. No, this time it's for certain. Pucca Promise.

Not only will I save myself the splitting headache and hangover on the day-after, I will also be spared the amusing (to others) stories that people have to tell about what all I did after getting drunk. Woresht thing is that I have these memory lapses and I kind of don't remember the events clearly,coherently and in the right order, and have to rely on the versions being given by my 'friends' - who relish reciting the episodes as much as they would have done while watching it. They, of course, have supporting evidence in the form of photos and videos *gasp*

But this will change. I am never going to be drinking again. No more lost memories. No more weird incidents. No free entertainment to loser friends and colleagues. 100% final. *sigh*

The Review that you don't wanna Read(y)

Ok, first things first - I am a hardcore Salman Khan fan. So this review is gonna be biased, very biased. You got a problem, you know where to shove it. Secondly, most reviewers have trashed the movie into the garbage can. If you enjoyed reading any of those reviews, please read no further.

As this blog would have given you a hint, I was 'Ready' for Ready. Having booked tickets in the local single-screen theater well in advance (instead of the conventional - and wallet-emptying - multiplexes), I waited with bated breath to experience the onslaught. And the chawanni crowd in the theater lived up to my expectations. Whistles, hoots, cat-calls and thunderous applause drowned half the dialogues in the movie, the junta went into splits every-time Salman Bhai cracked a shady double-meaning joke, the crazy songs made the tapori fans groove in their seats. Interestingly, the entire row behind us was occupied by a bunch of aunties and their 4-5 year olds. The aunties and their kids guffawed together as Salman taunted Asin on the tight fitting of her jeans. And I was taken back in time to an era when I would squirm in my seat if anything remotely sexual would be shown in a movie that I was watching with my parents (I still do!). But a lot has changed since then.

I think what is very different (and delightful) in this movie for a Salman Khan fan is to watch Salman getting increasingly comfortable in the skin of his characters. Though he still wouldn't slap the item-girls on their bums in a song-sequence (and merely pretend to do so), he doesn't flinch anymore while uttering innuendos, the smirk doesn't go away, he doesn't look blank, drunk and lost. He has embraced the comic genre and improvised it like no one ever has. Not everyone can make you laugh while uttering dialogues like 'ghaas sukh gayi hai, geeli kar deta hoon" !!

Watch the movie for an experience that is Salman. For everything else, there will be another movie releasing soon :)

I want to love you once again, Bollywood.

As a moviegoer I don't ask for much. I am happy with cheap mad comedies full of double entendre. I can also sit through cleverly made emo stuff. And I obviously adore movies made for children. But then, in spite of being so tolerant, there are some things that make me angry. Really really angry. What the f*** are the movie-makers thinking?

*Shahrukh Khan has no work. If he is not busy flashing his undies while trying to play cricket, and inviting useless, work-less co-stars to KKR matches, he makes stupid inane movies where he plays the Superhero. Shahrukh, you are always a Superhero, even when you are effortlessly playing a retard and even when you stammer while (st)uttering your girlfriend's name and even when you have a hole in your heart and even when you shamelessly showcase painted abs. You are the man (Even KJo vouches for it). So when you are actually a superhero in a movie, it would be an overkill, don't you think?

*Pehli galti baap ne aisa beta paida karke ki. Doosri galti producers karte hain inhe hero banakar. But then you have Vikram Bhatt who believes that he should give Mimoh Chakravarty a second chance. I mean, come on? Changing your name and getting a different haircut doesn't change who you are, especially when you are someone who has "I act worse than Viveik Oberoi" written all over his forehead.

*Item numbers form am integral part of my movie experience. So when Munni and Sheila maro their jhatkas and latkas, I forgive the director for some other goof-ups that he would have made in the movie somewhere. But you cannot take my weakness for granted. No Sir, not at all. I mean are you out of your frigging mind?

*They make movies that you can't watch with your wives or girlfriends. I mean the movie was hilarious. But you can't even admit that it's hilarious. I mean dude, give us a warning in the promos, can't you?

Sigh. Now its all upto Salman Khan to redeem Bollywood once again.

Only one more week to go. *Screams*