Yogi Baba ke Nuskhe

 "Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases." - Milton Berle

After having been blissfully married for the last 4 and a half months, I think I can author this blog in the capacity of an expert. For benefits of future generations (I already belong to uncle-category now), I shall generously pass on the secrets to a happy married life:


- The wife is always more beautiful than the hot chic next door or any other female that she may think is good looking (Yes, even Katrina Kaif). If you don't work for a bank and have not been trained in the fine art of lying yet, then you may say something to the effect - "Mere liye to tum hi duniya mein sabse khoobsoorat ho". This is not what she wants to hear, but this will not piss her off completely.


- You should always agree with her views, points, viewpoints, and practically anything she says. But this doesn't mean that you keep nodding your head like a retarded Shahrukh Khan in MNIK. Listen, analyze, contemplate and then reply. For she will occasionally catch you unawares with a "Do you think I have put on weight after marriage?". You have to always reply with a vehement "No"


- Never complain about her cooking. In fact, in this fiercely feminist world, you should thank your heavens if she agrees to cook in the first place. Even if she says "Aaj to daal mein namak zyada hai", you have to pat her lovingly and say, "This is fine, darling" and then take a second helping.


- When you go shopping (which you will do more often that you can imagine), don't ever criticize her choices. Else be prepared to do all the grocery shopping for the whole of next month yourself.  And you don't have to buy her gifts while you are shopping together. Your gifts for her should always be surprises :)


- You should always guess what she is thinking. I know you are thinking 'Am I a psychic or what?' but still you should try. Gradually, you will realize that she gives you these small hints. She loves playing these games to check how much you love her. If you can't get these hints, you don't love her enough.


- You can never refer to her as a woman, aurat or mahila. She will always be a girl (ladki).


- If you think she is being illogical and irrational, you are probably right. But you don't have to point that out to her. Ever.


- Your guy friends are all sad idiots with no life. Accept this fact and start ignoring their phone calls citing too much work at office.


I wanted to add a lot more. But that would take all the fun away when it happens. Marry and then go figure.